(New Haven, CT)

Graduate school has not been a waste of time after all – I think my research interests have shifted after being exposed to other disciplines at Yale. That said, it has been a rough semester with periods of self-doubt and reflection on the academic life after several rough patches. Squeezing in exams, grant applications, job interviews and travel for international conferences 11 time zones away together in one month is not a formula for sanity. After talking to fellow graduate students, I decided to write down the reasons why I am considering academia:

1. Researching phenomena that I am fascinated by
2. Teaching students: I want to make learning exciting for my students and hope to inspire them because I care about being a good educator.
3. Reforming business school education: if I keep to the business school academia track (which I am now moving away from), I want to make an impact on the values that business schools inculcate and the leaders it shapes

The work option looks tempting too. At some point in life, we all make a rather arbitrary choice about what we will do for a good chunk of our youth. We could have picked one option, looked back and said it was the best choice we could have made, and we could have picked the other option, looked back and say the same thing.

My interpretation of the Harvard-Yale game is that it is not so much Harvard versus Yale, but rather, Harvard and Yale trying to show the world how special they are…that they have this great rivalry which no one really cares about, that they have only one other team they see as an “equal”, and that it does not matter how crappy their football teams really are.

Note to self: Next time I watch a football game, try not to sit next to a German, a Polish and a Japanese - no one knew what was happening.

(Lauterbrunnen, Switzerland) From Birth to Grave: an eternal competition?

I suspect one reason why many of my peers at my alma mater (think high-flying prestige-loving leadership types), as well as similarly-oriented types elsewhere, are unhappy is because they have internalized the metaphor of a race and made their life revolve around the idea of eternal competition. For many of them, life is about a very well defined and highly specific type of success. This success is one in which everyone can be ranked from 1 to 6.3 billion.

And what is this success? Prestige, money and status are part of it. Success is defined such that it is dependent on how others perceive us and how we are doing relative to others on the ladder. It strips away individuality. We have no goals, no interests and no inclinations that would make us interested in certain things. Instead, we all compete for the same goal: the goals that “others” perceive is best. Prestige and money are positional goods: items that are only of value when others have less of it. We compete with others over them.

But this competition is illusory. It exists because we choose to take part in it. It is not predetermined that we should be in it. Instead, we can quit the race and create happiness by developing sources of happiness that are unique to us. The joy we get from our hobbies, deep passions, family or loved ones is a joy undiminished by competition with others.

(Jungfraujoch, Switzerland) Back on the road again…

I just got back from the APEC CEO Summit after a 22 hour flight. People seem to think it is fun to fly halfway around the world in the middle of the school semester to a time-zone that is 13 hours away. Spending 44 hours on the plane and 72 hours on the ground isn’t the most enjoyable way to travel. And then there are the endless papers, presentations and research I need to work on back in school. Not to mention that this came on the heels of my conference presentation at Geneva. And having just been to Singapore three months ago, this is not the most exotic of locations – why can’t I get a conference at Iran instead?

That said, I am quite glad to have went. A pleasant surprise was the opportunity to meet the APEC staff who were all remarkably nice people. Ambassador Tay, the Director of APEC, took time out to talk to me about my projects and future, even though he should have been spending more time shepherding the various heads of state around.

No thanks to my paper, I also got dragged out to do a number of interviews, and somehow ended up on international cable news as a commentator on APEC’s performance for the year. Amazingly, I managed to string together a series of barely coherent sentences in my half-dazed jet-lagged state. Not that expectations were that high – I remember a friend who comments on CNBC regularly once said on the channel “essentially, the market can go up…or it can go down.” If you add “essentially” in front, it has to be an intelligent comment.

As for the speeches by the APEC leaders, I walked away impressed by the eloquence of Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd and Thai Prime Minister Abhisit. President SBY of Indonesia also impressed with his charisma. I do not think I know enough of their policies, but I cannot help but walk away impressed by their public performance.

(APEC CEO Summit, Singapore) Me meeting the Prime Minister of Singapore regarding the paper I wrote for APEC - photo courtesy of APEC

Me: [Told Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong about my time studying and doing research in China]
PM: Ahhh….Your Chinese must be really good now
Me: I don’t know about good, but I would say its improving
Both of us: *Laughs*

(Interlaken, Switzerland)

The St. Gallen Symposium is a wonderful student conference organized by the University of St Gallen in Switzerland. I attended the event previously, and greatly enjoyed the warmth of my hosts and the thought-provoking topics that are discussed. Thus, I felt that it would be great for North Korean students to have the same opportunity to learn and share at this event. I spent the last 6 months trying to arrange for this possibility and many emails later, it has fallen apart.

Students who attend write an essay on the conference topic. This year’s theme is “entrepreneurship.” The organizers believed that North Koreans should write on this topic, without taking into context that it would be impossible for North Korean students to do so with its socialist economy and political structure. Either that or it’s a polite way for them to say “no/nein.” To be fair to the organizers, they probably want all students to face the same process to ensure fairness. But the paradox in this is that the same process is inherently unfair to all students: as with all contests, it serves to ensure that those with a mindset most agreeable to the hosts are admitted.

Not that this is a bad thing per se, but it should remind us that “fairness” can often be an unobtainable pipedream. It is sensitive to how we define it.

(Pyongyang, DPRK)

When people think of North Korea, they often think of security issues or humanitarian issues. While those are important issues, people often forget that the people of North Korea are at the end of the day also human beings, like us, with similar concerns about love, career and life. I am interested in understanding how these concerns are experienced and expressed within the environment of Pyongyang. Thus, I am looking forward to the opportunity I have to study Korean in North Korea. It will be exciting understanding the culture and society of the Korea that the world has almost forgotten.

The person arranging this pointed out the advantage of studying Korean in Pyongyang versus studying it in Seoul: In Seoul, you get a Korean that’s just a “mix of English, Chinese and Japanese” but in Pyongyang, you get real Korean. When I recounted this to my ex-classmate from South Korea, she just rolled her eyes and said “Yeah! Of course we just speak bastardized Korean.”

(Seoul, ROK)

So, in order to help anyone making a decision on where to study Korean, I have drawn up a pros and cons list below:

North Korea (aka the DPRK)
Kim Il Sung University – Most prestigious communist university…100% proletariat
Situated in Pyongyang – Breezy City of Willows
Propaganda: free of charge
Classmates – Russian, Chinese and Vietnamese
Internet and Phone Calls: Overpriced
$5000 for two semesters (housing and meals inclusive)
Lots of Soju but in only one flavor (original)

South Korea (aka the ROK)
Sogang University – Founded by Christian Missionaries
Situated in Seoul – The “Soul” of Asia (I know it’s a lousy wordplay)
Pop culture: pay to play
Classmates: Americans, Chinese and Japanese
Internet and Phone Calls: Free wifi
$2700 for two semesters (tuition only)
Lots of Soju - in Original, Kiwi, Lemon and Yoghurt flavors

(Grindelwald, Switzerland)

I will be heading to Singapore next week for the APEC CEOs Summit, where I am scheduled to meet Prime Minister of Singapore Lee Hsien Loong, President of Indonesia Susilo Bambang Yudhyono and APEC Ambassador Michael Tay. I read Michel Tay’s profile and found it fascinating.

Ambassador Tay served as Singapore’s ambassador to Russia and South Korea. During his stay in Russia, he commissioned a symphony whose title turned out to be “Singapore: A Geopolitical Utopia.” I wonder if he would be interested in the North Korea-Singapore academic exchanges I am working on. After all, the DPRK orchestra by all accounts is pretty good and he could always commission a symphony from them entitled “Singapore: A Geopolitical Utopia Only Slightly Less Utopic than DPRK.”

(Interlaken, Switzerland)

When I was younger, I was so much surer that I knew the answer for everything. I took my beliefs for granted. Now, there are many things for which I do not have an opinion as I realized that I have no clear reason to believe things one way or another. I have become an agnostic on most issues. This comes from realizing that most of our beliefs or opinions are based not on logic or evidence - even though we strongly believe otherwise. Instead, most of our beliefs are instinctive responses that are drilled into us as we grow up from a variety of sources.

As an example, over the summer, the US media reported that two US journalists were detained by North Korea. Initial news reports claimed that they were abducted on the Chinese side of the border and I believed the media. After travelling the length of the North Korea-China border over the summer, I realized that it would be incredibly difficult for North Koreans to drag people across the river, much less two ladies accompanied by two guys. Furthermore, for the North Koreans to be able to sneak across the river unseen by the journalists would be even more absurd. After they were released, the journalists confessed that they had crossed into North Korea.

Why did I believe the US media initially? It was definitely not logic or clear-headed analysis. Rather, it is an instinctive response based on biases accumulated over the years that makes me lean towards one viewpoint or another without relying on any evidence or reasoning. The same logic applies to so many other things in which I believe in. That is why I am such an agnostic these days.

(Jungfraujoch, Switzerland)

My recent trip to Switzerland reminded me how much I miss noise. Sounds give meaning to a city. The odd siren, the rumbling subway, or the pitter patter of footsteps on concrete pavement. They are the city’s heartbeat. And they do not exist in Switzerland, for good reason. Some Swiss are obsessive about enforcing absolute silence.

On the plane to Geneva, I had to write my speech for the conference. I tapped my pen on the table (lightly) while thinking. A Swiss passenger two seats away turns to glare at me and shushed loudly. A friend I was planning to stay with in Geneva also ended up on the streets because of the noise he made. He came home late because of work and showered at 11pm. His roommate stormed out and started shouting at my friend for the racket he was making. My friend was eventually kicked out of his apartment. Thanks to that, we ended up on the streets in the middle of night with five bags. Lastly, I remember visiting a friend of mine 2 years ago in Lausanne in Switzerland. We had cheese and bread for lunch and she told me to chew silently as the sound might irritate her father.

I never missed noise so much.

Kelly Krumei, an American I met on the plane back, told me how she would rearrange things in her friend’s rooms. She picked up this obsession after living in Switzerland for three years.